When I was about 13, Mom sent me to the general store here in Hague to buy myself a cardigan sweater for school. She wasn't well enough to go. What a delicious joy I had in choosing a pink one, instead of a dark colour. It had lustrous glitter threads too.
That evening at Youth meeting, someone complimented me on that sweater. I felt so good. I'd picked it, and someone liked my choice. Wow!
Like a flash, came in insight; "When you want others to be friendly to you, first compliment and ask questions about them."
From that time on I found making friends much easier and am always thrilled at the variety I have.
The Bible says, "He who wants friends must be friendly."
Bill Gothard adds, "Questions are to friendships what food is to living."
If you and I are going to get to know each other, or when you want to get to know new acquaintances better, some question and answer sessions are necessary. A really smart move is to have a handful of questions practiced and ready at the tip of our tongues. Not complicated or nosy ones. Just questions that are likely to have answers that are public knowledge.
Naturally, we watch the other person to see if he or she feels uneasy answering some of them, and then we quickly let them off the hook. We are NOT out to interrogate anyone, are we? To be friends, you and I just have to know a little more about each other.
What kind of questions?
* About family - most people don't mind bragging on their family members. So ask away about parents and siblings, and birth order. Even about the meanings of names.
* About school - a kid's world is school, so is a college student's. Adults often have vivid memories of school, or where they got their career training.
* About church and faith - if you sense this may be a Christian, you've just met, church affiliation and attendance is a safe and interesting topic. This is likely true for people of most religions.
* About special interests - try for sports, hobbies, music preferences or any instruments played, and any organizational memberships. May bonds are formed when people find themselves working together side-by-side for a common goal or interest. So this is where you may suddenly be agreeing to do something, or go with your new acquaintance and the friendship is begun.
Remember to be willing to share your own information, but you'll make a bigger impression as a good friend if you draw the other person out first and let her or him talk. Insert your details as a way of identifying with the new acquaintance.
The tricky part is that with some new acquaintances you can proceed very quickly to deeper questions, and come to very personal thoughts and opinions. With others you need to prove yourself trustworthy before you get to hear the more private details.
Learn to be patient and flexible, and you shall be rewarded with many, many friends. More than you can comfortably spend quality time with!
But then you did want to be popular, didn't you? :)
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Ruth Marlene Friesen makes friends wherever she goes!
Her friends become her rare roses at Ruthes-SecretRoses.com
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Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada