A lot of us come from dysfunctional families nowadays. Many kids grow up in single-parent homes, usually with just Mom as the adult making decisions, setting an example, being that encourager and cheer-leader every child needs.
Some moms are not mature enough to care for themselves well, never mind a child or two. Fortunately God gives them some maternal instincts which covers a lot of mistakes.
All mothers, no matter how weak and failure-ridden, needs encouragement and blessing too. It's not an easy role to take.
Because the second Sunday of May is set aside in north American to honour them on Mother's Day, I suspect most Moms get a token card, and perhaps flowers and a small gift, simply because the greeting card companies do such heavy advertising; it has become THE thing to do.
Listen, what if you really wanted to honour and bless your Mom? Are there better ways?
What if, as in my case, your mother has died? You can't give her a retroactive Hallmark card, can you? Not even a home-made and artistically personalized card.
I believe we can truly honour our mothers, whether alive or gone on to the next world, but we have to give it some thought first.
Make a few lists. (I'll include a few starter items from my own lists).
I want to honour Mom for;
- giving me birth (by all accounts it's quite painful)
- early infant care
- insisting I go to school
- sticking up for me
- her unexpected gifts to me
-
What Mom valued most;
- honesty, sincerity over lovey-dovey chatter
- excellence in work, and to finish it!
- cleanliness
- little gifts, pretty brooches, tiny ornaments
- family visits, everybody home!
-
Clues from above as to what would please her most;
- a sincere, unadorned thank you speech
- a thorough house cleaning
- a memorial bouquet on her grave?
- a poem or article about her?
Obviously, some things are harder to do if your Mom has died, but with some creative thinking you can get around that.
My Mom was never very demonstrative in life, but felt deeply. I've learned to express myself despite that restrained example. There are still times I must very deliberately choose to show my love and respect for others.
I've discovered that I can use my skill as a writer to write a fresh tribute to her each year, and thus build up a good reputation for her among the living.
If you struggle with writing clearly, I'm sure even just making the effort to tell someone one or two good things about your mother, could start you on the way to healing the hurts that linger under the surface.
Start by sharing one positive thing, and do something special on Sunday - in memory of your mother. Next year you can do something more. Or even throughout the year.
If your mother is yet alive, I would urge you to do what you can to connect with her, make a little thank you speech, and give a gift, or do a deed that will show her you love her. She doesn't have to be 100% perfect to be loved.
Why, if we had to be perfect to be loved, not a single one of us would qualify! No, not one!
Now if you come up with something creative, some idea you've never tried before, and it ends up giving you joy, as well as your Mom - I wish you would write and let me know. There might be something inspirational for the rest of us in your experience.
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