You may have seen this in the Bible;
"Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered..." *
Fairly obvious advice, since we all know that an angry person can become violent and hurt us. We have learned over the last decade or two that an abuser or criminal has often a submerged anger.
But how many of us can recognize latent or hidden anger in an individual? Is it possible to spot the signs and avoid becoming too close to an angry friend?
Lets skip backwards, spin around three times and see if we don't land back at the beginning where anyone first picks up a deep, unresolved anger.
Isn't it when someone disappoints us so hard, or doesn't measure up to promises or expectation, that we get that first gash to our spirit? If it happened to us as a child, we somehow don't sense permission to get angry over our disappointment, so we submerge it. Or we may be old enough to reason why the promise really wasn't coming to us, or the other person had every right to hurt us.
But that gash has been made, It doesn't follow that reasoning. Untreated, it festers and grows maggots.
Time passes, we grow older and we go on to other things. That gash eventually grows a scab over it. However, it is forever touchy, and if anything or anyone resembling the original weapon which axed it comes near, all our spiritual nerves tingle, ready to take flight or to fight.
Those people who turn into physical hulks, or are confident in some other aspect of life, are likely to fight. It is the old wound lashing back, and we call it an angry outburst.
Those who wilt and turn inward usually punish themselves, whether or not anyone else suffers.
Let's spin ourselves three times and skip-to-my-Lou forwards. Even if we understand how the angry person got angry, is it wise to form a partnership or marriage with such a one? That person needs help, but isn't going to take it from you, and for sure not until she or he wants to look at the ugly sore again.
So don't date, don't marry, don't even get close to an angry person unless you are a glutton for pain, or else you have the strength to wrestle an angry animal down until it's healed.
What it takes to heal an old wound is;
1. a good close, curious look at it,
2. confront the person who caused it originally, and express the hurt, the pain suffered,
3. whether the Cause repents or not, the woundee must forgive, set aside that event by giving it to God to redeem, and believe that good will now come out of it.
But old habits of quickly lashing out or self-beating will die hard, and if you are the friend that is going to stick it out for a woundee's sake, don't expect to coast just yet.
Brace yourself. You'll get scratched and wounded too, but if you are braced and remember to deal with each wound while fresh, you are a strong and noble character, and God called you a Blessed Peacemaker.
May your tribe increase!
*(Proverbs 22:14 NIV).
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