Do you ever feel unloved, misunderstood and just unappreciated? Even if just occasionally, these feelings hurt!
If they becomes your constant underlying emotions others may ignore you or avoid you. They pick up a sub-conscious message that you are unlovable, complicated, and not worth any bother. Before long they give you back the traits you are projecting.
Your problem becomes worse and uglier. (Let's not even go to where you might walk into a school - and lash back at the world, by shooting down innocent kids)!
Instead, let me tell you what rescued me in my earliest stages of despair. I know this could work for you too.
I grew up in a dysfunctional home. No need to expand on all the details, but my parents were not demonstrative, and my Mom was sickly and in the hospital a lot. As the eldest I did my best to keep my siblings fed and looked after, but I didn't hear much encouragement, so in my teens and twenties I had an overwhelming sense that nobody really loved me, and when I tried to express myself, I was misunderstood. My efforts to win approval went unnoticed. I began to live in a fantasy world, where I met a wonderful man who married me and was everything to me that I needed. We adopted lots of needy, unwanted kids.
At the same time I believed in Jesus, and liked the idea that I could confide in Him, and draw strength and wisdom from Him for every situation. I read my Bible a lot, and prayed in conversational prayers, where I could easily imagine Jesus listening with full attention. I felt strongly that He wanted me to write a novel, and though I couldn't afford a university education, by studying books from the library, and by secretly writing this book over and over again, I managed to learn how to write it better and better.
I was convinced for a number of years, that my fantasy of the dream husband was a prophecy of what Jesus would give me someday, and I worked hard to be ready for it. Jesus never told me off for that, but eventually, when I realized that the "vision" was really just a fantasy, and when I was ready to give it up for the truth, Jesus was there to comfort me, and show me how to go forward, just leaning on Him for the strength and wisdom to do what was right.
At times I thought I would have to give up the novel too, but the Lord Jesus gently brought me back to it over and over again. Sometimes there were long gaps that I didn't even touch it.
With the death of my fantasy husband and great big wonderful family that I thought we would have, I was gradually mature enough to face the fact that I should go home to care for my parents; that I needed healing from the emotional pain I'd received there. Staying away would only turn it into a cancer on my spirit.
Through it all I have become soundly convinced that Jesus truly does love us, He does understand, and He does appreciate what we do, when we obey His will. He has proved that by first dying for us long ago, and now by being very much present and a faithful, loving Friend, He shows that by giving good ideas for what to do next, and by giving much joy in doing right.
When I make mistakes, He does not scold and nag or run me down. Rather, He becomes grieved and quiet. When I become aware that I have done wrong and ask Him, He gently shows me what it is, and how to undo it, or get out of my mess. How many husbands do you think there are that would do that for you? Only in our fantasies!
I highly recommend that you start a life-long relationship with the One Friend, who will love you in a way that's perfect for you, who understands you totally, and who will reward you wonderfully for everything you do right. Some of those rewards you will only see in Heaven, but He certainly is going to show appreciation to you in here and now too. Jesus will never desert you, or quarrel with you. He's the ideal and real Friend we all need!
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