Have you ever graded your friends? I mean sorted them out into categories; this is just a new acquaintance, this is a casual friend, this is a close friend, and this is a really intimate friend. Like that ?
Ever since I was at a seminar where I heard that all acquaintances are divine appointments, and that we should be intentional about developing our friendships I've liked that idea. But it is only lately that I've decided to really set time aside to study my friendships, analyze them and decide how I can deliberately bless each friend in a unique way that will help them grow as a person. Already, I'm coming up with interesting thoughts and ideas.
Let me share my grading criteria with you.
A. Acquaintances.
These are only occasional contacts, not very deep. We may feel free to ask them general questions, like their name, where they live, go to school, or work.
We have not reached the place where we dare ask too many personal questions yet. That a right we may have to earn as we show we can be trusted.
At this level, we should recognize that God may want a closer friendship for us with this person. Watch for common interests, and that permission to get closer. Have some general questions ready at the back of your mind, and ask with genuine interest. Most people will blossom.
B. Casual Friends.
Here we have common interests, activities, and concerns. Now we are free to ask about their opinions, wishes or goals. Often we meet them through church, hobbies, work-related events, or the introduction of mutual friends.
Again, we ought to show true interest and ask these individuals what they think about issues, and what they really want in life, what plans they have.
As we discover their qualities, we can identify and praise the positive ones. Leave the negative ones alone! Yes, even if you notice them, leave them alone. We have no right to take over a casual friend's life and tell them what is wrong with them. (Haven't you hated it when it was done to you?)
C. Close Friends.
By the time our relationship grows to this level, we've discovered mutual life goals. We agree on a lot of principles, and feel freedom to suggest projects to help each other towards our goals. You find you can visualize achievement for your close friends, and you discern and develop some appropriate projects to help them grow.
In many cases this level of friendship leads to talk of marriage, if opposite sex friends. I like to think it is possible to have just good close friends of my own sex too, whom I respect and admire as individuals, so I don't restrict this category.
However, I admit that on careful consideration I haven't got very many friends in this group. That's probably true for you too. Most of us cannot afford the time and emotional investment of too many friends at this level. Some never get one, and sadly, some people never have even that one true, close friend.
D. Intimate Friends.
This level is rarer still. Married couples don't always attain this level of oneness in mutual adoration and fellowship. It is beautiful to see when it happens though!
That's not to say all is poetry and soft music between them. These friends have a right to correct one another in love, but because they do desire the best for the other, it can be accepted from such a friend. Sometimes painful, but richer love results.
I'm here to tell you that even if you have never experienced all these levels of friendship, it is possible to know the Lord Jesus Christ as a dear and close Friend, to feel that He knows you quite intimately and loves you enough to correct you so that you will become a better person.
You can trust Him utterly with all your secrets and plans and - yes, your pain too! He will never fail or rat on you. Only build you up. It is safe to cry your eyes out on His chest, and when you are happy beyond words, no one will understand and rejoice with you as well as Jesus.
Work on that friendship first. All others will be easier because He'll work on them with you. What's more, you'll turn into a friend so much like Him, that others will say you are something out of this world, a friend they prize and treasure!
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Ruth Marlene Friesen makes friends wherever she goes!
Her friends become her rare roses at Ruthes-SecretRoses.com
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