Ruth Marlene Friesen: Welcome!
This site is like Ruthe,
the heroine of my novel,
Ruthe's Secret Roses
Ruthe is . . .
intimate with God,
prays a lot,
a bleeding heart for the hurting,
a big sister,
has creative ideas,
likes to give
loyal to friends,
dreams of love and
dreams of writing a book
goes the extra mile
So this site offers;
good books to read!
help to become Friends with Jesus,
The One Ideal Real Friend
a cure for loneliness
An Older Sister's Coping Secret
how to pray Panic Prayers,
how to grow in faith
how to share your faith
Psst! I've got FREE taste treats of the novel ready for YOU! DOWNLOAD the first 3 chapters as an
eBOOK in beautiful colours, or read the first 8 chapters on this site, if you have time to stay a while. Start READING HERE!
OR, you can subscribe to a daily series of installments by email until you have read the 8 Chapter Sampler:
Get to know me more informally in the Author's Arbour
Links to photo stories are found on my Patio
Letting Dad be Dad,
and God my Heavenly Father
I've noticed that brothers and sisters, children of the same father, can have totally different
perspectives and relationships with their dad. These can range from great respect, and almost
reverence when they speak to him, to aloofness and treating him as an old imbecile to be put into an
institution. (I'm not saying this whole range is in our family, but we do have different views).
There are those that go to show off their children and new purchases to their father, talking on the
one hand as if they want to keep him informed, but really hoping for a word of approval and
acceptance from him.
I know of some who use their dad as a free babysitter, but he is only allowed to come over during
those babysitting hours. Otherwise he is suppose to leave them alone to live their own lives. (The
Dad I'm thinking of gets his heart broken regularly every week).
There are individuals who have had terrible experiences at the hands of their father, so it is
easier to understand how they have problems celebrating Father's Day.
I cannot say that I had such bad experiences, but from my early teens I was able to spot my Dad's
short-comings. He lacked education and tact, and he was quite slow when it came to figuring out the
cost of a project or which was a better deal, when looking for a car, and so on. Mom tended to do a
lot of his thinking for him. She told him what to do. That all seemed somehow incorrect to me. I
wished he would speak up and be a man and a leader in the home, someone who would make wise
decisions for us all.
After a while I realized that this wasn't going to happen. It wasn't laziness on his part. He could
tackle physical work like a strong ox. I even considered that perhaps he just needed an education;
if only he could afford to go to school and get smart. But I had to concede that Dad simply was not
able to handle big concepts. Before I graduated from high school I could talk circles around him.
Well, if I couldn't ask him for guidance or help, I'd go independent. After graduation I found
myself a job in the city, bought a car, and became responsible for my own life and decisions. When
panicked or afraid, I turned to the Lord God, my true Father. One who was perfect, and always had
time for me.
The time came when God, wisely, gently, patiently steered me into pondering and finally deciding to
move home to look after my parents in their old age. Over two years of praying, vacations home to
check things out, and insisting on clear guidance from my Heavenly Father, I finally came to accept
that I needed to go home and deal with my attitudes toward my parents.
Twelve years away had matured me some, and I saw and understood my parents in a new way. I saw how
Dad's short-comings irked and troubled mom more than she had ever let on. He, on the other hand,
stood helplessly by, through her many illnesses and spells in the hospital, and doctor appointments.
He felt great pity and compassion, but was overwhelmed as to how best to help her. When I moved in,
I took charge of Mom's health situation, and that freed Dad up to go for walks, collect bottles in
the ditches, putter in his workshop, where he took small motors apart and fixed them. He also did
shoe repair when people brought something to the door they couldn't fix.
I was a little amazed, and one day commented, "Hmm, so I must've got my creative streak from you, eh?"
He said, "Are you swearing at me?"
I realized at that point, that even with a lack of education and motivation to be in charge, he did
have an innate skill and gift for figuring out how things were made and how to fix them. I began to
promote and compliment him on these things, and he began to shine.
The more I showed kindness and encouraged him in his little hobbies, the more he glowed. He'd needed
affirmation for a long time. By then I was content to let God be my Heavenly Father, and Dad could
be just Dad. He didn't have to prove anything to me any more.
Both of us seemed to treat Mom and caring for her as the main reason we were on earth. When I took
her to the doctor, or went to visit her in the hosptial, he came along for the ride. But 14 years
late, when she died after a drawn out illness where her organs slowly shut down, I decided to focus
my attention on Dad. He'd been a tag-along for so long. Now it was time he got to do some things he
It turned out that it didn't take much to please him. I took him on a trip to visit his side of the
family, his cousins, and to see a few things along the way. That thrilled him. I took him shopping
in the city, and simply decided that it would no longer matter that I had him trailing behind me,
and when I lost him in the stores, I would have to circle around all the aisles until I found him
again. He still loves nothing better than to go shopping, except that his knees want to buckle under
him. He takes a cane and likes to lean on a shopping cart. (I think we'll be taking his scooter
soon, although he still thinks it's too much bother).
He loves it when visitors come and he gets to tell his old stories of growing up, and what he did,
and to show off his hobby projects, which is mainly spinning and knitting alpaca fibre this year.
As Father's Day comes up, I've been thinking; giving up my expectations of what a father should be
like, and letting Dad be who he is, while looking to God to be my true Father, - this has all
worked out to be a perfect blessing for me. Since he doesn't need nursing care yet, and we both need
to eat at regular intervals, and I would have to clean house once a week even if I lived alone, I am
able to meet his needs, while having lots of hours free to work on my internet businesses, and
writing projects. We go shopping in the city when we can think of at least two to three reasons to
go, and when I can fit it into my own agenda. God has really worked this out to a wonderfully
I wish everyone who has an imperfect father could get such a relationship going too! It is so
freeing and comfortable.
Ruthe's Secret Roses available
in softcover! Purchase it at
BookLocker.com and it will be in the mail to you within 48 hours!
Read it Right NOW!
In the Garden
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